the 'W A I T' room

It's Friday evening and this morning found me on a cold, hard table being scanned for potential metastasis of cancer. When I think of thoughts like this, I feel like I'm thinking about someone else's life. It's still seems surreal to me sometimes.

Saturday and Sunday stands like a valley between now and the day I will be read the results of the scan Monday morning.

When I think of this...I am reminded of something someone said to me this last year. They said that even though I had cancer during my birthday/September in 2007 or earlier that fall...I didn't even know it. I was happy, enjoying life, thinking about new possible travels to another part of southern Afghanistan. I HAD CANCER...but didn't know it. Once I was diagnosed...everything changed, except for the fact that I STILL had cancer. Just my knowing changed, which then changed everything else.

I think this thought process helps me as I wait. Whatever I have, or do not have...I've had. Nothing will change over the weekend. Nothing changes as I wait, as I worry. So as I wait in this waiting room of this weekend, and really my whole life, I hope to enjoy the magazines, chat with new friends I meet there, and enjoy what IS instead of what COULD never be.
my birthday celebration with friends, right before i was diagnosed.

SO excited for handmade precious gifts!

the birthday girl, whose life would forever change in ONE week...but I was happy as ever in this picture having NO clue what would take place just around the corner.